Bittersweet Mondays: Week three

Confab is proud to present our weekly web-comic series:

Bittersweet Comics

Follow the adventures of Matt, Enmi, Hal and Sean as they battle through a world that many gamers will recognise in an instant.

For the all the strips so far: click here

Comic 3: Download

Comic 4: Tutorial

Check back next Monday for the next strips by Bittersweet Comics! 

Story by: Matthew Joy
Drawn by: Enmi Wahlbäck

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Bittersweet Mondays: A Webcomic Series

Confab is proud to present our weekly web-comic series:

Bittersweet Comics

Follow the adventures of Matt, Enmi, Hal and Sean as they battle through a world that many gamers will recognise in an instant.

For previous weeks comics click here

Comic 3: Meet the Team!

Comic 4: Sounds like...

Check back next Monday for the next strips by Bittersweet Comics! 

Story by: Matthew Joy
Drawn by: Enmi Wahlbäck

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Miscellaneous Feature: Sartorial Maturity

Warning: Article Contains Strong Language

Today, I felt ready to enter the world of 'Men's' clothing and peruse the sartorial offerings of John Lewis. If you are a man who is yet to do this, I implore you to try. Never before have I felt such satisfaction as when my fingers brushed the folds of those elegant and crisp shirts, or when they were lost in the sands of cashmere sweaters, soft beyond measure.


I hadn't set foot inside John Lewis properly since I was a child, and back then it seemed like a maze to me. All too often, the gleaming tiles of the store's pathway would lead me past what I sought (a lightsaber for £200, no doubt) and into a labyrinth of dappled light shining through a forest of a thousand different species of lampshade and chopped up by rotating fans made of hickory and ash. Well, today I walked these department streets with vigour and a sense of purpose. I was conveyed to a spot emblazoned with the words 'Men's Department'. And indeed, it was. I was surrounded by men with chiseled jaws clad in a silvery hue. Suddenly, my beloved Topman, with its pounding and simultaneously obscure yet omnipotent soundtrack became a bizarre and naked thing, something I couldn't countenance. These men didn't need the guidance of corporately approved music; they were too content with the succouring bosom of this Victorian department store, too content with their own notions and opinions of life, to be swayed by a garish, neon playlist. Suddenly, my clothes became like skeletons in my closet and I was gripped with an urge to hurl a lit match into the bowels of my wardrobe and slam the door behind it.


I meandered through sturdy mahogany stands of tastefully displayed shirts until I found a belt rack. A symphony of aroma courted my nostrils. It was a truly arresting smell. The belts hung like snakes nailed to a door. I could imagine a burly, knotted man curing the hide of a cow on a tanning rack with the piss of a Geordie, then cutting it into strips; I was taken with the romance of the process and that wonderfully reassuring scent of Europe and of experience. I walked on towards an important assembly of robust sweaters and jumpers, of turtleneck, and of buttoned, and of stitch-sturdy. I imagined a group of apronned and barbered men tying them together and testing their strength by tug-of-war, and the stalwart, steadfast stitching yielding not one inch. I checked the price of one. It was £120 (fuck that!!!!). Fuck that, for now anyway.


I turned on my heel and left without looking back, for I didn't need to. I would return there someday (next Sunday). The world was different to me now, I had tasted the waters of tailoring-manhood and they tasted good. They nourished me against the ghastly clothing of today. I began to notice the number of ridiculous purchases that had been made by decidedly dehydrated men and fathers all across the city. Men with spiky hair, lined faces and pregnant stomachs steamed passed me in tawdry urban-wear. They pushed buggies laden with bags that had things like 'GIO-GOI' and 'G-STAR RAW' and 'LOCK 'N' LOAD' and 'G-FORCE 120MPH' emblazoned across them. Their children clung on for sweet existence (indeed the baby that rendered the buggy a necessity would cling also, for they'd been moved to accommodate a bag full of baseball caps and Allstar trainers). The arse of their jeans would be branded with much the same, as if they were cattle. Their pudgy wives would lumber behind them, smoke issuing from their mouths as they barked things like: "KIEE-RENN, C'MOWN ISS WAY OR YI WINNA GIT ONY SUPPAAAAR. D'YI HEAR MI?". It was clear to me that, had these men sought refuge in the warm embrace of a starched shirt or the creases of 'Prince of Wales' check from a young age, they would not be married to RAW women yielding sons called Jack Jones. And with that, I thought to myself, when my chiseled jaw is clad in a silvery hue, I hope I am married to her that may give me a John Rocha. Rocha John Rocha, if possible.


by Adam S. McIlroy

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Webcomics: Bittersweet Mondays

Confab is proud to present a new weekly web-comic series-

Bittersweet Comics

Follow the adventures of Matt, Enmi, Hal and Sean as they battle through a world that many gamers will recognise in an instant.

Comic 1: Conscription

Comic 2: War awaits

Comic 3: Meet the Team!

Comic 4: Sounds like...

Check back next Monday for the next strips by Bittersweet Comics! 

Story by: Matthew Joy
Drawn by: Enmi Wahlbäck

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Feature: Volunteer away those unemployment blues!

Can't get a job? Then why not volunteer!

I can't count the number of people I know who are currently unemployed, out of education and generally idle in every possible way and that's not an expense at my maths skills either. These people like to complain about their situation: they spam Facebook, Twitter and any other social medium they can get their lazy paws on with tales of woe about their lacklustre lives. "I'm so bored! I wish I had something to DO with my life!" "Someone amuse me, I'm so depressed..." We all know at least one of these people. I was one myself, I'm rather ashamed to say until I realised what an utter buffoon I had been...

Yes, the economy isn't great and it's bloody hard to get a job. Yes, I understand that further education isn't an option for everyone. But there's a solution to the unemployment blues that is so blatantly obvious that it is a testament to my own stupidity that it took me so long to notice it myself.

Volunteering, folks. It doesn't matter which charity you choose, whether you like people, animals or something else entirely - most of these guys desperately need volunteers with flexible schedules and lots of free time. For me, it was a natural choice. Having recently gone from having six cats to having absolutely none, the Cats Protection was both a way to get my cat-fix and something to take my mind off other things. And you know what? It feels amazing. If you won't do it to help out the needy, then do it to make yourself feel good. Yeah, it's a selfish attitude but the charity gets much-needed help and you get out of bed before 1pm on a weekday.

Now I'm sure our readers aren't that selfish. Of course, many of you love people and their furry companions! Why wouldn't you want to make sure some poor abandoned animals have a nice, cosy place to stay while they wait for their forever home? Or maybe you'd rather help run a store that raises money for homeless people? Either way, the opportunities are right there waiting for you to get off your lazy good-for-nothing bum and take them! In this day and age, it's not even hard to get involved. That's right, you don't even have to leave your house (I bet you haven't even showered yet anyway). Most of these charities have websites now, complete with numbers to phone or forms to fill out to get you straight into volunteering. You even have a small amount of choice about what you actually do for them - for example, the Cats Protection need both volunteers to clean out cat pens, and also people to run their charity shops for them. Did you know that, legally, every charity shop needs to have at least two people there to open every day? Think about how hard that is to do when most of the volunteers have day jobs. And if they don't open, they don't sell anything and before long some very needy animals/people start to go without.

If you really still need more encouragement, then consider this: a few weeks of volunteering would look just wonderful on your C.V to potential employers. You never know, it might even help you finally break free of the hell that is unemployment. And if it doesn't, well at least you'll feel darned good about yourself!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and pick the cat hair off my clothes...

Why not start looking today? 

Third Sector / Do it / Jobs in Charities

 - Charlotte Peters

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Feature: Social Behaviour - Why do I want to bend the rules?

Things I shouldn't want to do (but totally do)

Social norms are so inhibiting, don't you think? Imagine how great it would be to nip to the shops in your pyjamas without raising a second glance, or answer your door in a full panda suit without frightening the postman - and those are just two of the more mundane possibilities a world without social restrictions would offer.

Gosh darn it, I want to run down the street in nothing but a cow-print onesie, singing 'Born Free' at the top of my lungs and feel GOOD about it! Who's to say I shouldn't?! Who made up these rules for polite society? Maybe some frivolity and silliness is just what the world needs right now. Wouldn't it make your day to see someone run past you with twenty helium balloons tied into their hair, a cat in their arms and a smile on their face? Maybe I'm a minority, but that sounds pretty fantastic to me.

There is such a wealth of mad and brilliant things one could do given this level of freedom. For instance, I've always wanted to boycott the traditional lecture seating pattern, and instead sit on the floor beside the lecturer (okay, so my biggest motivation for this is that I have the eyesight of a ninety-year-old woman, but I still think it'd be pretty nifty all the same). I want to walk into Build-A-Bear and not have to hold back how excited I am about making a teddy bear. I want to run around the Disney store grabbing things to show my boyfriend and not feel ashamed when a three-year-old points and laughs at me. And more than anything else, I WANT TO HAVE FUN IN THE SOFT PLAY CENTRE AT CODONA'S AGAIN!

I can't do these things. Or rather, I shouldn't. I shouldn't skip down Union Street, I shouldn't ask for a Big Whopper in McDonald's, I shouldn't push my face up against the glass of cake shops, and I certainly shouldn't pretend to be a fish in aquariums. But, to quote my favourite poet, "If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good."

So I challenge you, reader. Go and do something absolutely mad tomorrow. Make the general public question your sanity and enjoy every second of it! (And if you could film it so I can laugh at you too, that'd be great).

- Charlotte Peters

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Feature: How did we live without Smartphones?

How did we live without apps?

If I were forced to pick only three of all my technological devices and gadgets, I would probably just download the app to decide for me...

Technology is a truly wonderful thing, it's because of technology you're able to read this right now, wherever you are, despite being written in Scotland. Technology brings us the joys of movies, music, games, communication, transportation, and much much more. It helps us in an unimaginable number of ways in our every days lives. Think about a world without music to listen to, those dreadful bus journeys would become so much more tedious and aggravating... there's a good chance the hungover students would all go mad and most likely kill each other. Without video games and movies what would we do to entertain our dearest friends? 

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Feature: Stereotypes - The Crazy Cat Lady

Worst Superhero-name... ever!

 Those of you who regularly watch the popular American sitcom 'The Simpsons' will be well acquainted with the rather alarming character of Eleanor Abernathy - more affectionately known as 'The Crazy Cat Lady'. Most commonly seen screaming indecipherable nonsense and throwing her beloved pets at passersby, it's fair to say that she's a shining example of stereotyping. Elderly spinster with no friends or hobbies, but a startling number of cats... She must be wrong in the head, right? This is an assumption that is just as poignant in reality as in the world of yellow cartoon-people.

Increasing Number of Cats ≠ Decreasing Mental stability? 

When someone sees a woman over the age of forty in possession of more than four cats, they instantly assign them to the 'Crazy Cat Lady' stereotype.

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Feature: Urban Explorers

 Urban Exploration: A City Adventure

An Old Observation Tower 

We've all had our own experiences relating to urban exploration which is the exploring of abandoned or derelict buildings, structures and facilities in an urban environment. Though some people's experiences may be from more rural areas they're still under a similar kind of exposure to an architect's nightmare: Decayed buildings.

 

What lurks inside here?

I remember an eventful day, years ago when Freddos were still 10p, I was visiting a friend (We both lived in the countryside) and our curious mischievous selves decided it would be a good idea to look in this old abandoned farm house that was just up the road.

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Feature: Life in the countryside

 Country Living

The Countryside. Tractors trundling through fields of wheat, bales of hay piled high in barns and gruff-voiced farmers toiling away happily amid the muck and mess. Perhaps you imagine picturesque villages encircled by winding rivers, or a quaint village shop selling only local produce. Round, rosy-cheeked people in wellies and dungarees, smiling and waving to each other in merry greeting as they go about their business.

Photo by Michael Palmer

What a delightful image. Is that how you imagine life in the country?

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